Jeff Dellenbach

Big Jeff

D.O.B. - 14th February, 1963

Home Town - Wausau, Wisconsin

Profession - Football player (with the hands)

Qualification - Jeff has a very thick neck. He played Center, who's the guy who throws the ball between his legs then just punches all the guys in front of him so that another guy can throw the ball, except forwards this time. This is the game as I understand it. Throw a ball, punch a guy, throw a ball, punch a guy. That's like having two jobs. Anyone can punch a guy, but I'd like to see Mohammed Ali try throwing a ball first (particularly now, he'd totally spoon it then start mumbling, blaming the parkinsons, that would take the motherfucker down a peg or two). Jeff also played for the Miami Dolphins and appeared in Ace Ventura (See Jeff Cross (I know what you're thinking, two Jeff's one team same season, wouldn't that get confusing? Well, no, apparently it's their surnames on the shirts. This is the game as I understand it)).

Jeff Davis

D.O.B. - 22nd November, 1883

Home Town - Cincinnati, Ohio

Profession - Hobo

Qulaification - Jeff was the Hobo King. Many Hoboes have been elected to the office, but only Jeff was crowned Hobo King for life. You can read the complete 1939 Hobo handbook, written by Jeff, here. At the peak of his presidency, Jeff was the head of over 815,000 hoboes in America. Much like Mohammed Ali, Jeffs are the greatest in any field they attempt, apart from, obviously, boxing. We'll let Ali keep that one. And apparently he'd also be the best garbage-man ever, so I'll give him that too. Everything else, Jeffs all the way.